ramblings of a late night nurse
I can't believe it- on the cusp of two more semesters and I'm done school. Friends are expecting babies, are getting married, have been married already for a couple of years. Others buying homes- settling into places. It's all so strange isn't it? I work with patients at the hospital who have lived a lifetime- are in their 90's and I feel not so different from them. I'm on the verge of the end of my life myself aren't I? Do they not believe they too are youthful like I am? That they haven't aged a bit although their body shows otherwise? Life just goes so fast- soooo fast. We don't think about death a lot but I do more and more lately because it is reality. We think we have all the time in the world- time to travel, time to work, time to have children....time to be with God and live a life that is meaningful. But then time passes and you wonder what you did with all of that time- and how fast another 20 years will go. Call me fatalistic but I sit and talk with patients and the reality of one's own mortality is shocking- even to an 80 year old...you mean, death happens to us all???? And death still is- awful, horrid, dreaded. What if I didn't have hope that there is more? What then would be the point of it all? Do you even recall, at that age- all of your own accomplishments, all of the glories, all of the things done and seen? Or do you just recognize your own self- your character and how you have either grown or stayed stagnant and immovable. I am glad for hope and am realizing over and over again how little things we do matter- but how much they matter at the same time. The things we do are the vehicle of our growth are the environments of our relationships. Yet at the end of the day- it is our growth and our relationships that really matter- the rest is forgotten, unimportant. I hope i grow until the end and then, like a 97 year old I know from the hospital- still remain ever curious about life and take on each new challenge with a smile- knowing that I'm not finished until God calls me home. And until then- I'll indulge in the best and worst parts of life so that I am ever changed to be more like Christ Himself.
yup. this officially made no sense- but it's 2 am and well....yeah.